My Role Model



September 10th, 2008, a Wednesday

I am always trying to grow and change and evolve into a better bear, a better citizen, and a better friend.  Lately I believe meditation and quiet reflection will assist me in this process.  So I really make an effort to discipline myself.  I have time on my hands, so I can't use that as an excuse.  I have a beautiful place to practice my new ritual so that should make it easier.  And I am motivated to experience the nirvana, the higher plane, afforded only to those who make the commitment and sacrifice required.  I am psyched. 

The first thing is to try and be mindful of everyday activities.  So while I am watching a ball game or one of my favorite shows, I really try to be present for every pitch, every plot line, every nuanced character development.  Yeah, I think I am getting the hang of it.  The Diamondbacks are still losing like crazy but I just float above the bitter disappointment and try not to yell at the team (like the Dutchman does) when not a single one of them does their job of pitching, hitting, or fielding.  I try to avoid comments such as "they suck" but it's hard.  I think I am making progress.

The next thing is to learn to be quiet.  That is taking a little more work as it doesn't come that naturally to me.  So I do as instructed and sit in my meditative pose.  For most, it is legs crossed, hands resting on knees.  But I can't do that because frankly I don't have knees.  I am most comfortable doing the splits, so I rest there.  I guess you are just supposed to plan to do nothing, think about nothing, clear out your mind of all thoughts and distractions.  I try it but almost die of boredom within a matter of seconds.  I mean I have a very active little mind and I take a lot of pride in that.  Why I am supposed to shut that down is a mystery to me.  But I try.  Nothing much happens.  I know when thoughts try to invade my space, I am supposed to shoo them away.  But I find that I am practically inviting them in for a visit.  I think I suck at this.

So I close my eyes and try making the chanting sound.  They say I can pick whichever sound I like although most people stick with the "oooohhhhmmmm" one that is most common.  Not me.  I pick "yeeeaaaahhhhh".  My thinking is that is the sound I make when I am so spontaneously delighted that I cannot contain my joy and I squeal "yay".  Notice I try to elongate the sound for chanting so it isn't just me going "yay" over and over again.  So now I am chanting and breathing and trying to think of nothing. 

But all I can think of is how much I want to think about everything.  Everything that I enjoy thinking about so much every day.  All the things that excite me and make me feel hopeful and happy.  Here's the way I look at it.  What if every one of us figured out this meditation thing and all sat down in the position making some kind of noise and successfully cleared our minds of all conscious thought.  What good would that do really?  Besides make a lot of noise.

For now, I am going to try it at bedtime.  But it's hard when I just love to fall asleep looking at the lake and the moon and the stars and the trees.  They lull me to sleep and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. 

So until I become more evolved, I think I will stick to being myself and thinking about everything that comes into my mind.  Maybe I can teach my left brain to be quiet and let the creative powers of my right brain take over when I am older and more mature.  I wonder if that means I can yell at the Diamondbacks tonight?

GR