Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness.  It's the men who are discriminated against.  They can't bear children.  And no one's likely to do anything about that.  ~Golda Meir



September 4th, 2008, a Thursday

I owe you all an apology for not posting a blog on my usual day yesterday after having a holiday on Monday.  I am ashamed of myself for that because I take my jabwab responsibilities very seriously.   You see, I feel as if I have lost my voice.  It's not that I can't talk or anything.  It's that I have lost the empowerment that allows me to speak.  Since it is not rushing back to me, I will have to coax it back, word by word, thought by thought.  It can be painful to dig inside and see what causes a problem like this.  Because you don't ever know what you are going to find in there.  But I'll try.  (As for you, be brave.  It's just one blog.) 

It's a hard time to be a girl.  Just when most may say the opposite.  My female depression was triggered by the Republican nominee's pick for vice presidential running mate.  (I can't bear to say their names.)  I try my best to honor my policy not to use my blog to air my political views.  And I don't mean this discussion to be that.  The press goes straight to the obvious and most shallow version of sexism and discrimination and different treatment for women than men.  You know the line.  You are not allowed to question if she is spending enough time with her Down's Syndrome afflicted infant.  Because you would never ask a question like that to a man.  The Democratic VP candidate was quoted as saying one difference between him and her was that she was better looking.  So what?  Didn't they say that about John Edwards' expensive haircut and Mitt Romney's Ken doll appearance all the time?  And they shouldn't talk so much about her family.  Well, when she first got introduced, she talked about her family non-stop for the first ten minutes or so.  (Well, seriously, what else is she going to talk about?) She gets to but no one else is allowed to?  This idea that the Republicans are seeking credit for boldly putting a woman on the ticket but she must be treated with a double political standard because she is a woman is quite ridiculous.  And completely insulting. 

But not nearly as insulting as the selection itself.  Millions of people in this country are passionate about their politics and their candidates and the process itself.  Like me.  To pluck a woman out of a somewhat isolated state with its own unique culture and thrust her into the national limelight, possibly a "heartbeat" away from the Presidency, is the ultimate political gimmick.  It makes a mockery of the process and stoops to the lowest possible standard of decision making.  Sometimes I think I am actually asleep and must be dreaming when I hear talk of her joining the PTA and being a hockey mom.  I am struggling to find out what is so appealing about being a maverick presidential candidate if a maverick does something like this.  It's serious business as she said last night.  You know, a dangerous world and all.  So some good writers (not as good as Aaron Sorkin who writes political drama better than the real thing), took her calculated image and wrote her a speech and she read it.  It was a performance not unlike something you would see on the stage.  A real theatre stage.  She said the words, presented them with a certain nuance, and who cares if just twenty-four hours before, she didn't know a single thing about most of that stuff.  It's a script, not real life.  Remember, she wanted to be an ESPN sports commentator before she wanted to be a governor.  Sounds like the limelight is what she wants.  Well, now she's got it and all that comes with it.  Please, God, just don't let it be a light that shines a path to high office. 

All of this hoopla has made me feel that the hard work and sacrifice and commitment to achieving as a woman doesn't really count for anything if it can be sidestepped and just anyone can be thrown into a situation that is completely unearned.  The unfairness and inappropriateness of it is staggering.  It makes me want to lay down my blog tools and just give up.  Stop thinking creatively and caring so much and speaking out for real equality.  This poor woman doesn't seem to know that she is being used anyway.  By an ambitious old white man.  She and her family.  Or maybe she just doesn't care.  But she is obviously more than willing to do whatever it takes.  See limelight comments above.

And besides, as a girl, I am not the least bit offended when the differences between men and women are acknowledged.  Do I think this lady should spend more time with her infant son, the one she recently referred to as the "newborn", because she is the mom?  Yes.  Especially if she is going to make such a big deal of the fact that she is against abortion and went ahead and had the baby even when she found out he had Down's Syndrome.  She talked last night about families with special needs children.  I would be willing to bet that most of those moms devote their lives to those children and their needs and probably don't have hours and hours off every day to learn a speech, pick out an acceptance outfit, get your hair done, and get out on the campaign trail to fit the mold of whatever is deemed to be worth the most votes on that particular day in front of that particular audience.  Easy for her to say.  And for her to say that abortion should be outlawed in cases of rape and incest is easily the most arrogant and redneck thing a woman could say.  To be told as a matter of law that you have no choice but to carry the issue of that type of sexual violence for nine months could result in unthinkable emotional trauma in addition to the trauma already experienced. 

In addition to all these things that have me feeling so down, I found out that my real spiritual birthday is February 29th.  I have always wanted to remember exactly the day that I was delivered to my family and became the bear I am now.  And when I finally do, it's the leap birthday and it doesn't even come every year.  Knowing my family, they will make sure I can still have a party and get presents even when that date doesn't fall in the calendar, but still.  That sucks kinda.  Or does it make me special?  No, not today.  I don't feel like being hopeful and optimistic.

I already knew that soul searching and cleaning out bad feelings is not that popular.  Socially I mean.  I will bet that most of you are saying to yourself right now that you would rather read my light hearted and sometimes funny, charming, clever entries than this dark excursion into things like....you know, you just read them.   Well, folks, that is how you get back to being funny and charming.  Figure out why you aren't feeling that way.  Just one more thing.  Don't you hold us girls to the same standards already established long ago for men.  No, we can do a lot better than that!

Love,
GR