Sssssshhhhhh!


February 28th, 2009, a Saturday

I assure you that I am alive and well although some may think that I have taken after Rip Van Winkle and escaped to the hills to sleep for years and years.  The only part of that story I like is that he was of Dutch descent.  The part about how he slept to escape his wife's nagging is baloney if you ask me.  She probably didn't like him because he was so lazy, at least that is how the story goes.  They would have been better off to just split up and she could have found someone more lively and he could have hooked up with a woman who accepted him for the bum he apparently was.  But in those days, husbands and wives probably stayed together, no matter what.  But look where that got 'em.  She was a shrew and he slept his life away.  Doesn't sound like the good ole days to me.

This week I told a big secret.  I felt kinda guilty about it because I had been keeping that secret for a long, long time.  Somewhere along the line, I just came to believe that it was my job to keep that secret, to never tell.  No one ever told me that I couldn't tell.   Or even that I shouldn't tell.  It was just understood.  Some things you just don't tell.  I tried it once a long time ago, telling this particular secret, and all hell broke loose.  So I just went back to being quiet about it.  It was easier. 

The thing about a secret is that usually, someone really wants you to keep it or you wouldn't even know it is a secret.  Maybe they tell you right off that "this is a secret and if I tell you, you can't tell anyone".  It makes you feel like you are somehow special because you get to keep this secret, you are really cool because someone trusted you with their secret.  It's just between the two of you.  Sometimes though, you find out later, the same person is keeping that same secret with other people, and because you all took your job as secret keepers so seriously, no one ever finds out there are others involved with the same secret.  Until you do find out, and then you feel stupid.  Because it wasn't secret at all.  You just thought it was.  And sometimes if the secret is really important, and you kept it for years and years, you realize that the secret was that the person you kept it for was really in charge of everything and everyone.  And you just went along.

In fact, there is an entire marketing campaign based on secret keeping, a really popular one.  "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas".  It's a promise that if you go there and lose your shirt gambling, or cheat on your wife, or whatever else you can do in Vegas that needs to be kept secret, then no one there is ever going to tell.   A wink and a nod.  Go ahead.  It's our little secret. 

Sometimes people use secrets against you.  If a friend saw you cheating on a test, then he can get you to do things for him that you don't want to do, or else he will tell about your cheating, tell your secret. 

Or how about surprise parties?  You have to keep those a secret in advance or the guest of honor isn't surprised.  But honestly, I don't know a lot of people who like being surprised that much.  They would rather know about it, decide exactly what they want to wear and how they want to fix their hair, and enjoy the anticipation of their own party. 

Or there is the secret santa office thing where you get a gag gift that can be really embarassing and no one has to own up to it.  Or what about the secret passageway in a big old house where you can hide, if you know about it.  As for the secret handshake, unless everyone in the club has a different one, it can't be all that secret.  But I guess that depends on how many people can know a secret before it's not even a secret anymore. 

The point is, I told the secret.  At first it felt just awful, like I was being bad.  I immediately regretted it and wanted to go back to the old way of holding that secret inside.  But once I got past the part where I had to say the words, it started getting easier.  People told me I did the right thing by telling and later, I felt like dancing and jumping around.  People even thanked me for telling.  That was a surprise.  Like they thought it was a good, brave thing I had done.

Well, I'm not going to tell you my secret because that is not what today's blog is about.  But I gotta tell you, I don't recommend keeping secrets.  Except for maybe the secret ballot thing, which happens to be the cornerstone of democracy, I can't see much good in keeping secrets, or even doing something that needs to be kept secret.  Secrets get stuck inside and stop the air flow.  That causes a lot of trouble that you just don't need.  If someone wants you to keep a secret, it's ok to say no, even if then they won't tell you what it is.  It's best if you don't know.  Secrets suck. 

GR