I am not afraid to tackle the big subjects.  And what could be bigger than today's look at love.  L'amour.  Sometimes when approaching a blog, I start with simple definitions which can then flower into interesting commentary.  But the dictionary's attempt to define love is so funny, it would make a blog in itself.  No, love cannot be defined in words.  It is all feeling.  That's what I love about it.  And who could even imagine the forms that love may inhabit.  They are infinite and unique to each feeler of love on every possible level.  Yes, love is a big subject. 

The arts seem to concentrate on the love theme but maybe none more so than popular music.  For example, the most simple might be that famous old song that just literally spells it out.  "L" is for the way you look at me, "O" is for the only one I see,  "V" is very, very extraordinary,  "E" is even more than anyone that you adore can.  Without even using the word, Peggy Lee gave us the more sensual side of love when she purred "you give me fever, in the morning, fever all through the night".  (Some may argue that wasn't exactly love she was singing about, but this blogger doesn't agree and neither does Wikipedia for that matter.)  And who can forget the Beatles telling us "all you need is love" giving new meaning to the concept with lyrics like "nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be" and "no one you can save that can't be saved".  (How can you not fall in love with a band who talks to you like that?)  Or a Broadway musical that captures the thrilling possibility of love in the lyric "some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger..across a crowded room". 

And then, of course, you get into style issues with love stuff.  We all know the families who say "love you" at the end of every phone call or at every parting.  That makes some people bristle, who may feel that such an automatic, learned behavior somehow diminishes the impact of the sentiment.  Now that everyone has a cell phone and is in closer touch, that could be a lot of "love ya's" in a single day.  I have tried to figure out what is behind that.  Is it because you might get hit by a bus later that day and you want to make sure that is always the last thing you said to your loved one?  Or is it because you want to make sure it absorbs into them by constant repitition, sort of like the basic addition and subtraction tables that you never forget?  I think the very first time someone tells you that they love you (besides your mom and dad) is thrilling and powerful.  And then if repeated at very special times, that moment can be relived, equally as thrilling.  Once it becomes automatic, you can never get that back.  No, I don't think love is automatic. 

So what of automatic love, or entitlement.  Is anyone entitled to love?  In some cultures, certain family members such as parents and grandparents are absolutely entitled to love and respect.  The American culture makes a somewhat half ass effort to buy into that but I think it's misguided.  Parents would like to believe they are entitled to the unconditional love of their children but as Americans, we are too free thinking to really buy into that.  Kids may tell their parents they love them because its easier, but if it's not really earned, I'm pretty sure it's not really felt.  You can't fake love.  No, sir.  But kids, they are entitled to love.  They just don't always get it. 

So does love have to be spoken about or acknowledged to be known?  The Dutchman and the Little Dutch Boys, being Dutch and all, don't talk about it that much.  But I would be willing to bet that every member of our little family would say, if asked, that they are deeply loved and know it.  I was there when cancer threatened to ruin everything and there was so much love in the belief that nothing bad would happen, in the care and concern, and in the faith that love was stronger than the disease.  In fact, cancer is the best revealer of love I have ever seen.  So I would say that no one has to tell you how loved you are if you really, truly are.  You feel it all the time in everything you do.  Is it better to talk about it?  Maybe.  Or maybe it can be more powerful just to live it and believe in it.  Maybe both. 

Beware of movies and television who concoct a romantic fairy tale vision of love that so many people, women especially, long for.  They compare their own love level to what they see on the screen, and become disgruntled.  But life is rarely like that.  And love is much wiser than those stories.  Don't you fall for it.  Hold out for the real thing and know it when you have it.  (One visit to a movie or tv set and you will get rid of those silly ideas in a big hurry.  I mean watching actors pretend they are in love and then going back to their celebrity lives and agents and fans when the director yells cut is a real eye opener.  Or sometimes even when they just take off their make-up.)

I don't know if the Beatles were right when they said "all you need is love".  Some may argue you need a lot more and some seem to get along ok without it.  But what if we come at it from the other side?  What happens when you don't get the love you deserve or you are told it's love when it really isn't?  And you believe in it because you don't know any better but it lets you down?  Then the only thing that can bring you back is....well, love.  You cannot imagine the places it may come from or the forms it may take.  But I don't agree that time heals all wounds.  Some wounds cannot be healed by time.  Love is the most perfect healer of all. 

GR