Nicky and Gina

June 5th, 2008, a Thursday

I'm having relationship issues.  Most likely, I am not the only one.  In fact, it is less likely to find someone who isn't having relationship issues, wouldn't you say?  Either you are in a relationship and you're having issues, or you don't have a relationship because you have issues, or you're pursuing a relationship that is plagued with issues and can't quite become a relationship.  This issue thing just wears me out.  Oh, let me count the issues that can control us. 

Our mothers are crazy and were unprepared for motherhood because they had their own issues.  Babia, the Solar Queen sure didn't act like I was on her list of things to do.  Don't you wonder sometimes if it just came down to birth control?  Would we even be here if our mothers had shown up at sex ed class?  Oh, yeah, they probably didn't have sex ed class in those days.  Is that good or bad for us? 

Our fathers wanted their wives to be the mother of their children.  Then they wanted their children to be wives.  (OK, I admit that crack came from the ongoing Texas Mormon sect story but who names their home the Yearning for Zion Ranch anyway?)  Maybe I should have said they wanted their daughters to be their wives.  (OK, maybe that made you cringe.  But imagine what it is like for the one in four girls who keep it to themselves.  Enough of that.)  If you had a good Dad who bounced you on his knee, called you his little princess, and gave the evil eye to every boy who came around, then you are lucky and may disregard this paragraph (if you must). 

Then our crazy mothers and lustful fathers want us to promise perpetual loyalty and devotion until they are in the grave.  By the time this happens, we are wives and parents ourselves and boy, do we have issues.  We pass those on and the cycle continues.  What a mess.  Who is strong enough to bust through all that and feel good about ourselves, overcome our issues?  You may be just as likely to stack up ten phone books and karate chop them into pieces. 

I know, this sounds pretty negative for a believer like me.  But wait for it.  Every now and then someone comes along that actually makes you think you can overcome those issues, or at least make them a lot less important.  How do they do that?  They love you.  And believe in the part of you that is inside, not the layers of issues that surround your golden center.  At first you can't believe it but day after day, and year after year, you begin to start. 

Take me for example.  I have a boyfriend.  You may remember I told you about him.  He is a grey teddy bear, a little frumpy (thank goodness he doesn't read my blog), kind of professorish.  He used to be a Dominican monk, thus his name Dominic.  I call him Nicky.  His order practiced the vow of silence and even though he is released from it now, he's a man of few words.  He's not an exciting guy and I wouldn't call him passionate.  But he is so constant.  I know you may find this hard to believe, but some call me high maintenance.  But he doesn't try to maintain me.  He just lets me thrive and is always there when things are going well and especially when they're not.  He will watch any tv show or game that I want.  And he seems happy when, or because, I am.  When things are really rough, he doesn't tell me I reached too far or how I brought my unhappiness on myself, although he could.  He just sits quietly with me.  I can really count on Nicky. 

Recently, as you know, I struggled with the moral dilemma of whether to take off my peace shirt which I have been wearing for a very long time and have promised to wear until the troops come home from Iraq.  It was creating problems for some of my blog photos.  I was feeling guilty for ever taking it off at all.  A couple days ago, Nicky asked if he could wear the shirt instead.  All I thought of was myself and how that didn't change the notion that I was breaking my promise.  So while I was getting my picture taken, I let him wear it.  As soon as he put it on, I knew that it was where it belonged.  His quiet spirit soared and he took up the cause of peace right before my eyes.  When I returned, he was in a deep meditative state and I knew that the soldiers were in a far more powerful place of hope than I could ever create by wearing the shirt myself.  I guess I have been too busy thinking about my own needs, even when I was trying my best to think about others, to realize that Nicky is more than a frumpy grey bear that may or may not be exactly what I am looking for in a mate.  He has busted up my issues just as though I had karate chopped those phone books.  And I can't help wondering if he asked to wear the shirt because he really saw it as an opportunity to find his own powerful purpose, or if he wanted to relieve me of my own conflict.  Either way, that's my guy. 

When your family prevents you from being a believer, you have to seek out your own family.  Who knows where you might find them.  Don't let anyone tell you they don't count as much because they are not your blood (technically I don't have any blood so this part is easy for me).  They may actually count for a lot more.  And be very, very open because you may find them in the most unlikely of places.  But love is love.  And we all need it.  Your golden center is filled with love.  And no one can take that away from you. 

GR