May 28th, 2008,  a Wednesday

The weirdest thing happened yesterday.  The day took twice as long to pass.  Well, not really.  I mean if it had really taken twice as long then other people would have noticed it, too.  But I seem to be the only one.  That happens a lot.  Me being the only one, I mean.  Anyway, I have a pretty good awareness of what a moment passing feels like.   After all, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes make up a year (courtesy of Rent's well known anthem so I didn't actually do the calculation myself since the lyricist already figured it out) and I have been present for lots of years.  If only I knew exactly how many.  Not knowing my own birthday makes that impossible.  Boy, I seem to be digressing a lot today.  That must be a result of that long day yesterday. 

At first it was subtle but then unmistakable.  It wasn't like a lazy day, a day that just meandered along at a relaxed, leisurely pace.  Instead it was measured, eerily punctual in its slowness.  Oh my gosh, I thought, the Zen has finally kicked in and I am so living in the moment that each one seems to last forever!  But honestly, I really don't believe that Zenness arrives so suddenly.  Doesn't it take those monks years and years of meditation and dedication and sacrifice and no tv or junk food to make time slow down like that?  I really doubt I suddenly became a Zen mistress (I made that up not knowing if there is a feminine of the more commonly used Zen master).  So what then?

I wish I could tell you the answer but then I would have to know it myself.  You are probably saying to yourself right now that I am a bear with a blog who hears the tiny roar of double winged creatures, communes with hummingbirds and thinks that Marvin Gaye talks to her.  I get it.  But I am a curious girl and some things just need to be figured out.

Maybe we have to travel back to move forward.  I have been doing a lot of that lately.  In fact, I have been concentrating so hard on remembering certain things from my wildly colorful (and mostly true) past that it's almost like getting stuck.  Maybe I did get stuck a little in the past yesterday so each moment combined a big dose of the past with the ongoing present and there just wasn't enough room in one regular moment for both so the moments had to be expanded to a larger capacity.  Until I came back for good.  Like time travel.  So I guess you could say I was living in two moments at the same time!  Double Zen!

Seriously (well, actually, that last paragraph was pretty serious), I thought I had done a pretty good job of coming to terms with my past, the good and the bad.  But having revisited it yesterday, I was able to see it in a different light.  I recommend this type of time travel to everyone, even if it really slows down your day.  A deliberate glimpse into a childhood moment or a simpler time or something precious that was lost can be well worth it.  It can remind you of who you are and from where you came which can be a wonderful clue to where you are going.  But be patient.  It takes a while.  The good part of a day and a lot more.

GR