April 23rd, 2008  a Wednesday

Someone once told me that half the trick of acting like you know what you are talking about is to learn the lingo of the subject.  Let's say you are a bear trying to show someone that you are a real baseball fan.  Just start throwing out the baseball talk.  That pitcher really needs to work on his ERA.  Did you see that suicide squeeze on Friday night?  A sac fly would have been nice in the 8th, don't ya think?  Geez.  He coulda had the cycle if he had just stayed at second!  That sinker just ain't gettin' it done.  Throw the slider, for heaven's sake.   I actually do know what all that means, but you don't necessarily have to.  Although that would be living pretty dangerously if you got caught.

So here's a story for you.  It isn't true but it could be.  

Lucy had to buy a home because the IRS took way too much of her money when she was renting.  She knew better than to go for an ARM and was appropriately concerned with her LTV.  After COE, she received a package welcoming her to membership in the HOA.  (You didn't need a high IQ to figure out that makes you SOL.)  The BOD decided to unite the community by throwing a big block party.  Get to know your neighbors.  There was Jamal, a former NBA player who recently retired after his third DUI, this time with a BAC of .28.  LSD, he told Lucy, was his drug of choice now.  There was the Thompson boy, a high school senior with a GPA of 4.4 and SAT score of 1600,  who was headed to MIT.  Monty, the Vietnam veteran, said he was being treated at the VA for PTSD because he saw NVA in his dreams and swore he knew where they were keeping the POWs.  Priscilla was into everything green.  She hoped to get a job with the EPA and told everyone to get rid of their SUVs because their MPG rating was shameful.  She did not approve of Jamal's BMW either (although some neighbors swear they had seen her in it with him).  Sonya was from SF and couldn't stop talking about how she missed riding BART everywhere.  Walter was a businessman and a frequent flyer and believed that when traveling to NYC it was best to use JFK and even though it was a little less convenient, he preferred BWI when DC was his destination.  Monique was a fitness instructor with a BMI of 17 (I swear) and a LBM to die for.  Her latest VO2 test was not to be believed as she could run like the wind.  Sammy was an EMT who had just gotten off his shift at the ER where he had saved a young girl from an OD.  So many of them are DOA, he said, or end up with DNR orders if they just never wake up again.  Joe brought Tom, his SO.  One worked for SRP and the other APS, both in IT.  Rebecca had to leave early to watch SVU.  She also loved CSI or anything, frankly, to do with DNA.  She never explained why.  Roland seemed to be the local crazy guy (every HOA has one or more) who was convinced that the IRA was really behind the assassinations of JFK, RFK, and MLK.  (Priscilla was confused as to how her IRA account could possibly have anything to do with that.  Should she switch to a 401k, she wondered?)  Marcy was a stay at home Mom and a political junkie who hated FOX and usually surfed between CNN and MSNBC and warned of the dangers of HILLBILL.  Giselle, younger sister to the Thompson boy, listened to her MP3 player the whole time and texted LOL over and over to friends.   Everyone agreed at the end of the evening to obey the posted MPH signs and put their trash cans away (thereby avoiding the dreaded TCV violation notice). 

You get the idea.  It's not easy keeping up with all this.  But you know how they say if you want to stay sharp when you get old, you have to do crossword puzzles or go back to school or learn something new.  My advice for those of you who may be slightly OTH is to get a cell phone, learn to text (good small motor coordination workout), and memorize all the abbreviations (high level mental stuff).  You will not only be safer with a cell phone around in case you need help, but your grandkids will be blown away when you tell them TANSTAAFL and stop being a PITA.   They will listen better that way.  And they will know you love them.  BBFN.

GR