April 18th, 2008,  a Friday

Last night I watched an episode of Law and Order, SVU (I always get confused and call it SUV).  There was a warning about how the program contained intense scenes and may not be for everyone.  This morning I am warning you in advance.  This blog entry is going to be full of positive stuff.  If you consider yourself too cynical for such talk, I am giving you a chance to bail out now.  Sometimes it is just as hard to write about good things as it is to tackle controversy and in a different way, you could be subject to the same type of criticism.  So I guess that could mean that talking about kindness and feeling good in itself may be controversial.  I don't really care so here goes.

When I first wanted to talk about kindness, I had no idea that the lead paragraph on the subject would come from the Pope himself although he is supposed to be all about it.  What with the sexual abuse scandal dragging on for years without much kindness from the Catholic Church, it is no surprise that this came as a surprise.  But he surprised everyone by meeting with a handful of priest sexual abuse victims yesterday.  It was a private meeting and those who attended said he listened well, prayed with them, and felt their pain.  This was a great act of kindness on the part of the Pope although some will say that it was just his duty after all. and long overdue.  That may be true, but it isn't that simple and there are lots of reasons why he can't just run around meeting with everyone on his trip to America.  I am proud of him.  His actions will be great validation for the kids and they really need it.  We all do.  I mean, everyone who has been abused by someone they really trust really needs to be told it wasn't their fault.  And they deserve an apology.  So the Pope has taken a big step towards the healing process.  I'm paying attention.  You go, Benny. 

The littlest Dutch Boy who is a great friend of mine and a regular reader of my blog, told me that calling the woman who is my voice and heart and soul my "partner" does not reflect the affection between us.  He suggested I find another way to refer to her.  When she was very sick with cancer, the littlest Dutch Boy was a constant source of laughter and love.  He teased her about her bald head and used to like rubbing it.  He played cards with her but never let her beat him on purpose and even made fun of her when she lost.  He knew that letting her win was silly just because she had cancer.  (What he never tells is that she usually won anyway, as always.)   He called her "pareeeeshema" which somehow got shortened to "Mreesha".  There has been a lot of confusion about this.  When he had that put on her license plate, people thought it was Mr. Eesh.  Why not?  What words in the English language start with "mree" anyway?  Who knows where these affectionate nicknames come from?  It is great to have one.  He didn't mind when she threw up on him without warning.  He talked her into wearing a baseball cap to radiation rather than a scarf just as her hair was beginning to grow back.  She wasn't sure so he gave her his most favorite, totally broken in hat.  He went to Suns games with her and he let her drive when she wanted to even though her chemo fog caused her to actually drive down Baseline Rd the wrong direction.  Next week he is going to a support group with a young friend who is living with MS so she won't have to go alone.  Last weekend he hid in the bushes to take a photo of his friend proposing to his girlfriend up on a balcony so they could always remember that moment.  He is a kind young man.  From now on I will refer to my mentor as Mreesha, like he does, in honor of all the love and kindness he has shown to her and me and lots of others. 

Death often shows up completely unannounced, you know.  When that happens, you don't have time to say all the things you meant to or start acting how you wish you had acted all the time.  This is true of both those who die and those who are left behind.  A rare thing happens when a person becomes critically ill and in danger of dying.  They are given a kind of automatic kindness, like a free pass.  People offer to do things for them like make food or go to the store.  They send cards and flowers and wistfully say how sad it is because he or she is really a great person.  Have you ever noticed that in every obituary ever written, the person who has passed on loved life and animals and their family and was always smiling and making everyone around them feel good.  I call it the "bubble".  When you are sick, people tell you how much they love you and how much they are praying for you and how much they want you to get well.  It is kind of like a funeral in advance.  It would be good medicine for all of us to be able to somehow magically attend our own funerals in advance so we could really know what a blessing we are to other people.  A little more, or a lot more, awareness of the enormous opportunity of a day on earth would do us all good.  You don't have to achieve anything spectacular.  A great start would be just to show some kindness.  If you believe in that theory that when a butterfly flaps its wings it is felt on the other side of the earth somehow, then you know that kindness has a ripple effect.  The glow it creates can then shine a light in another place or on another person.  And on and on. 

The little Dutch Boy (not to be confused with the littlest) said that he threw a surprise birthday party for a friend of his this week who thought that no one really loved him.  The Dutch Boy thought it would be good for him, he said.  I think he knew that the party with all his friends there was a little piece of healing for his friend.  Just think if we were part of  a little healing every single day. 

Don't say I didn't warn you at the top of the page what this was going to be like.  Look, I'm a teddy bear.  I come from a long line of unconditional healing, support, love and comfort.  That's what we bears do.  And maybe you didn't know that real live bears used to be trained to walk on the backs of Romanian gypsies when they were aching.  So they would feel better.  It's all good.  Love is love and healing is healing.  Join up.  It won't hurt a bit.

GR